Desperate Marriages

Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship Paperback – April 1, 2008

Author: Gary D Chapman | Language: English | ISBN: 0802475523 | Format: PDF, EPUB

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Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship – April 1, 2008
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From Publishers Weekly

In this expanded and updated version of his 1999 book Loving Solutions, Chapman draws on years of counseling couples with severe marital problems to argue that most marriages can be saved. Chris Fabry's smooth radio-style baritone is always easy on the ears, but his upbeat delivery strikes a false note, especially when cheerfully describing intractable spousal strife. Many of the problems (dealing with spouses who are irresponsible, abusive, depressed or addicted, for example) won't apply to everyone, and the audio format makes it difficult for listeners to skip around. A bonus of the audio version is a 15-minute telephone interview with the author on the final CD discussing his concept of love languages, his personal life and career, his Christian faith, the problems of his own early marriage and the genesis of this book. A Northfield paperback. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
--This text refers to the

Audio CD
edition.

Review

"A Christian relationship expert says difficult marriages can become rewarding if you move past negative emotions, are constructive in influencing your partner, and focus on improving your own attitudes and behavior. Reminding listeners that selfless love can breathe life into the most painful relationships, Chapman uses stories from his ministry to show how providing security and taking the initiative can change spouses who are irresponsible, abusive, controlling, unfaithful, depressed, or chemically dependent. Though the author all but rules out divorce, his insights sound more empowering than constricting because of Chris Fabry's upbeat performance. His lively phrasing and genuine connection with Chapman's optimism will help motivate listeners to make the extra effort in their marriages, even when all hope for happiness seems lost."
T.W. © AudioFile Portland, Maine

--This text refers to the

Audio CD
edition.

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Direct download links available for Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship Paperback – April 1, 2008

Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Northfield Publishing; New Edition edition (April 1, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0802475523
ISBN-13: 978-0802475527
Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.6 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #19,392 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #20 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Ministry & Evangelism > Counseling & Recovery

Desperate Marriages:
Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship
by
Gary Chapman
Review by
Anthony J. Centore Ph.D.

* * *
After Gary Chapman wrote the International Best Seller The Five Love Languages, myriad of spinoffs were published: The Five Love Languages of Children, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, The Five Love Languages for Singles, The Heart of the Five Love Languages, The Five Languages of Apology, and The Love Languages of God; not to mention what appears to be several updated revisions of the aforementioned.

Rest assured, this book barely mentions the five love languages--keeping it to a minimum of just two pages in the first chapter, two pages in the back. Done. Finished. Life moves on. Finally.

In Desperate Marriages, Chapman promotes a philosophy he refers to as "Reality Living," of which there are six rules: (1) I am responsible for my attitude, (2) My attitude affects my actions, (3) I cannot change others, but I can influence others, (4) My emotions do NOT control my actions, (5) Admitting my imperfections does not mean I am a failure, (6) Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.

Basic Impressions:

This book is well put together. It is quality material. The reader with real marital problems and needing real information will get real information. For instance, the book speaks about divorce in chapter one--a smart move, for this is certainly on the mind of someone who is in a desperate marriage. Chapman states, "while divorce removes some pressures, it creates a host of others." Moreover, the book contains some good psychology (which any counselor reader will recognize as being of the CBT persuasion), and Chapman aptly references William Glasser (i.e.

If you've read Chapman before, you're probably aware of his concept of "love languages." In a nutshell, the idea is that everyone has one or more ways that they most need to "experience" being loved. These languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Giving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Chapman believes that if we challenge ourselves to love our spouses using THEIR love language -- and they do the same for us -- marital harmony will result.

In Desperate Marriages, Chapman walks couples through applying these concepts to the most difficult of situations: marriages in crisis. In these situations, it's not quite as simple as just using the right love language. Usually, one or more myths stand in the way of the love language exchange.

He identifies four "myths" which he believes will make it impossible to save a desperate marriage:

1. My environment determines my state of mind.
2. People can't change.
3. In a desperate marriage, I have only two options -- either resigning myself to a life of misery, or getting out.
4. My situation is hopeless.

But then he counters by offering six "realities," or principles, which bust those myths and can lead to marriage-transforming change. He calls the application of these principles "Reality Living." They are as follows:

1. I am responsible for my own attitude.
2. My attitude affects my actions.
3. I cannot CHANGE others, but I can INFLUENCE others.
4. My emotions do not control my actions.
5. Admitting my imperfections does not mean that I am a failure.
6. Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.

Chapman uses conceptual these tools of myths, realities and love languages to show how to repair a variety of desperate marriages.